It's Time for Adventure Time!

Adventure Time is my favorite show on modern television.

Yes, I am a child.

But admit it... you love it too.

Finn and Jake are little badasses and all of their co-conspirators are adorable and often ridiculous creations.  Whoever created this program-supposedly-intended-for-kids either has serious issues or a wicked sense of humor.  Either way, I'm into it.  So here's some super cool Adventure Time gifts you can give to the fan in your life (or me, because I want everything I'm about to post).

Start With the Basics

Give your nieces and nephews the chance to go on their own adventure (and keep warm) with Finn's classic ear hat.

$16.48 on Amazon.com!

(Jake the Dog and) Finn The Wallet

Super cute, officially licensed Finn wallet.  Your money has never been more adorable.

$19.69 on Amazon.com!

 Really-F'ing-Cool Handmade Marceline Necklace

My personal favorite character on the show, Marceline plays guitar and is heiress to the Underworld.  This phenomenal handmade pendant by psychozombies features a three-dimensional vampiress in a cameo-style frame, complete with a little silver bat friend.  I'm almost reluctant to post this one because I know it's one of a kind and I WANT.

Pssst... the seller has even more cool Adventure Time treats in her Etsy shop.

$25 on Etsy!

Everything Reversible Is Awesome

Yep -- that's two backpacks in one.  Give the gift of different moods.  Officially licensed Adventure Time backpack!

$39.99 on Amazon.com!

 Adventure Time Shot Glasses

More proof that this cartoon is not just for kids!  This set of three shot glasses (featuring Finn, Jake and Lumpy Princess) is handmade by Etsy seller geekyglassware.  Too.  Cool.

Only $16 (?!) on Etsy!

GAH! I Have an Andriod #342

The second I saw this character, I hoped this product would appear.  And then I remembered I don't have a freaking iPhone.  Oh, little Beemo iPhone case.  One day I will have a use for you.  One day.

$15 on Amazon.com!

I Want to Buy These For My Boyfriend

But I also want to have sex with him again.

So I won't.
(But they're still cool.)

$13.50 on Amazon.com!

Lullabies By Jake

That stretchy magic dog certainly has his ways of getting inside your head... and now he has another one: becoming earbuds!  These cool little headphones are officially licensed Cartoon Network/Adventure Time merchandise.

$15.99 on Amazon.com!

Science the Lab Rat Plushie

While Adventure Time and Cartoon Network did a pretty good job of merchandising even the minor characters on the show, they did leave out Science the Candy Corn Lab Rat.  While not official merchandise, Etsy seller sappymoosetree nailed this little cutie!  $27 on Etsy!

Psst...  Check out her Hand Banana (ATHF) plushie as well!

And now, a new feature:

The I Wish I Had That Kind of Money Spotlight


Yes.  Finn's very own Adventure Time Watch.
$129 (ouch) by Nooka.

Put This In Your Pipe: Gifts for Smokers

Sure, it will probably kill you eventually.  Sure, it stinks.  Sure, many states have outlawed it in public places.  That doesn't mean you and your gift recipients can't revel in the pleasures and treasures of imminent emphesema!

 Putting the Cute in Cancer

This adorable little penguin will help you forget that your lungs are as black as he is!  Comes with a built-in fan to help disperse smoke and folds up to hide your naughtiness when the in-laws come to visit.

A steal at $6.19 on Amazon.com!

  Jesus Hates It When You Smoke

Nothing like a little Catholic guilt when lighting up, eh?  This is the perfect present for the ironic atheist in your life.  Buy for a friend or leave outside various religious institutions during Midnight Mass for a quick laugh.

$12.90 from Tesoros Trading Co.

 Steampunk Skull Ashtray

We've covered cute, we've covered funny.  This coffee table character is just plain bad ass.  Made from cold cast resin, this cool skull stands at half a foot and could be used as a keepsake box as well as a vessel for your dirty little secret(s).

$39.99 from Things2Die4.

 Vintage Cigarette Cases by Penny Silver

These adorable cigarette cases feature old advertisements and other retro imagery.  They can also double as wallets or credit card holders!

$11.99 each on Amazon.com!

If One Vice Isn't Enough...

Have a cigarette with your whiskey!  A good way to stop that "social smoker" you know from bumming your cigarettes outside the bar.  Flask holds 6oz. of liquid.

$28.99 by BeWild.

For the Environmentally Conscious Smoker

A friend who spent some time in Japan was the first person to turn me on to this clever little contraption: a portable, reusable ashtray.  Snuff your butts without littering the sidewalk or stinking up your pocket!

Only $10 by Going in Style!

This Thing Makes Smoking Cool Again

While it's not gonna keep your cigarettes cool or clean, it's kind of hard to miss how neat this metal mesh cigarette case looks.

Only $6.99 by KLOUD ®.

The Bare Bones: Skeleton Gifts

Since Halloween has just passed and I refuse to admit it, let's throw some cool skeleton gift ideas out there for the Morbid Minnie (or Mickey) in your life.

White Trash Just Got Way Cool

Undead flamingos for your yard!  These freaky little plastic birds are what inspired this entry in the first place.  I saw a pair them on a neighbor's lawn earlier this month and was determined to either locate or create some trashy skeleton flamingos of my own.  They're the same size as your standard pink yardbird variety, but decidedly spookier -- and METAL.

$15 for a set of two!

Don't Get Chilled to the Bone

Besides ghoulishness and tooth decay, Halloween also signifies the beginning of winter and cold weather.  Why not keep your cousin's carpals warm with these sweet elbow-length fingerless skeleton gloves?

$11.99 on Amazon.com!

Skeleton Shoes by Funtasma!

These sweet skeleton pumps, bone boots and dapper men's shoes will please any buddy of yours that hasn't given up the goth -- or anyone with a quirky taste in fashion.  Annoyingly, these listings are per -- you'll have to search through the Amazon seller's inventory for your desired fit.  But they're so damn cool I couldn't not include them!

$36.00 - $67.00 on Amazon.com!

Creepy Cutie Corkscrew

I think I may have to order this little bugger for every wino I know. Adorable and affordable, this skeleton corkscrew can certainly please your frat buddies and your aunt Miriam.

$23.97 by Kikkerland

 
My, Such Bony Wrists You Have!

While a little bit pricey, this skeleton hand bracelet is sure to please anyone with a twisted sense of humor or fashion!  Made from pewter, the "Curse of Ezekiel" bracelet is both spooky and elegant.

$85.00 by Alchemy of England

Skeleton Girl Cameo Necklace

This haunting twist on the exceedingly cool (and increasingly popular) cameo style comes in a bunch of different styles (from lockets to flask belt buckles), courtesy of a popular punk-rock gift-shop-of-sorts, the Alley Chicago.

$15.95 for this style

Ladies' Skeleton Hoodie

Unlike other similar versions, this hooded sweatshirt has a femur up on the competition.  It features an all-over screenprint, including a skull on the hood and bones on the arms.  Not only that - this deadly fashion statement glows in the dark!  Warning: probably not a good gag gift for anorexics.

$49.95 by Teenage Runaway




And my favorite new feature of this blog...

The Who the Hell Has That Kind of Money Spotlight:

Authentic prop from the set of Mars Attacks!

While definitely a conversation piece, the $795 price tag may be a bit much to own this particular chunk of cinematic history.

An Introduction

Personally, I despise mandatory gift-giving scenarios.

• Winter Holidays (Christmas, Channukah, whathaveyou)
  I have been non-religious since I was a child.  My mother's side of the family celebrated the secular, Americatastic version of Christmas.  Unwanted turtleneck gifts, the occasional twenty dollar bill, an evergreen tree confusingly planted in the living room, mashed potatoes and a whole lot of guilt.  My father's father is a rabbi, so Channukah to me meant socks, outdated computer programs and underage wine consumption.  There may or may not have been gifilte fish.  I've blocked it out.
  
  As an adult, I've visited significant others' families for the holidays -- those who say grace, pray, attend church, have a billion nieces and nephews and aunts and uncles.  This profoundly confuses me, but I attempt to remain respectful and cordial, playing along where necessary.
  
  The obligation to give gifts to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ or the fact that the Jews needed a winter holiday to blow out of proportion in competition with Christmas is utterly ridiculous to me.  But, in the States, and in many other parts of the world, this is par for the course.  Hate.

• Birthdays
  Sometimes you find the perfect gift for a loved one and are thrilled to give it to them.  More often, an impending birthday is an exhausting chore of shopping and wallowing in the fear of disappointment.  Ever since I was too old to give my significant other a mixtape or my mother a clay dog I'd sculpted, I've been at a loss.

• Baby Showers
  It's not my fault you chose to dedicate the next 18+ years of your finances to an unborn embryo.  Why do I have to buy a gift for someone I haven't even met yet?  What if yellow looks terrible on your baby?  What if I unwittingly buy one of those lead paint toys and your child becomes gravely ill and you spend your life savings on hospital bills to recover and then you hate me forever?  The last two baby showers I was invited to, I gave the happy couples condoms.  My friends have since ceased inviting me to baby showers.

• Anniversaries
  There are guidelines for these types of things.  There are entire books and websites dedicated to giving leather for the 14th anniversary of a first kiss indoors or orgami cranes for the three-month anniversary of returning from a honeymoon.  If you look up the actual list you will find that on the 75th anniversary, you give diamond or gold.  But on the 85th anniversary, you give wine.  What, are we just giving up here?  I'm supposed to buy you precious metal but if you last another ten years together, I'm gonna get you a sweet Yellowtail cab for $7.  Hrm.

• Weddings
  Not only do I have to buy you something, you're going to go to a store and make a shopping list that I can choose from?  Go fuck yourself.

Now, one might wonder why I am starting a gift-giving blog if I so passionately loathe the concept of being forced to shop and provide presents for those around me who won't stop getting married, making babies or living another year.  The truth is, I'm sick of getting turtlenecks with snowmen and I'm sick of giving people socks with kitties.  There are few things in life more gratifying than seeing a huge smile creep across a good friend's face because you found something they can actually love and enjoy, and won't regift to a niece come Christmakkuh.  And short of giving everyone you know wolf cubs that don't poop and will never grow up, it can be difficult to find that gift.